The Gist Of Online Dating

The art of flirting as suggested by large dating site, eHarmony is, “The promise-withdraw routine is the very heart of flirting. It’s used by both men and women to create arousal, and its dynamic is exactly what it says it is: giving attention, then taking it away, then giving it again — tension, release, tension; eye contact, look away, eye contact. One look doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but a second look, and a smile add up to an unmistakable signal of interest. Men and women all over the world use this basic routine to signal and arouse interest in another person.” I feel like for most people, reading about flirting is much easier than doing the actual flirting, especially for the occasional socially awkward/introverted person that’s in all of us. In fact the majority of people don’t even recognize that they are being flirted with, and that includes both men and women. To make this even more confusing, there are different styles of flirting. Introducing, the physical flirt who let’s their body do most of the talking. The sincere flirt who compliments you on your clothing and wonders what type of book you’re reading there. The playful flirt, the straight up playboy who tells you everything you want to hear in order to get into your pants. The polite flirt who is more of a distant admirer and the least obvious of all flirts. Then there is the most popular traditional flirt, where men do all the work and women can just sit back and enjoy the ride.

So, no wonder flirting can be so confusing. This is because flirting just looks like you are just being friendly (I feel like that’s how the term friend-zoned was born if you’re rejected by someone you are attracted too).  Either way flirting can become this endless nightmare that includes IT the clown chasing you down in an underground sewer trying to get a nice tasty bite out of you that eventually you know you have  knock his ass down somehow aka face your fears if you want to have any chance at finding love-not with IT but you know what I mean. I know, sometimes it’s better to just keep on running and just be single forever and not worry about the prospects of having and maintaining a relationship. Because lets face it even when you get the guy, maintaining a relationship is quite hard with all the communicating, finding the right balance between spending time together versus with other people, and oh constantly learning to accept each other’s differences. However as human beings, we always have this need to be wanted and accepted, to love and to be loved by someone. It’s a basic need that can’t be erased unless feelings don’t exist for you.

Fortunately, with the advent of technology, dating has become more accessible to everyone through such as Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Zoosk, and don’t forget old school websites such as Match.com, OKcupid, and eHarmony where after 16 years, Dr. Niel Clark Warren is still committed to helping people find love. Online dating nips flirting out of the equation most definitely and at first it can seem wonderful because you have all these options at your fingertips and you no longer have to play the guessing game because if they weren’t interested they would swipe left. But what many people I’ve talked too have found interesting about online dating is that they are surprised they still have to do the work in finding the one. So even when you have many suitors who are interested in you, it doesn’t mean that they are the right match for you. There are some crazy dating stories out there that can attest to that.

Getting to know someone on a personal level can be difficult because you have to keep in mind that you are not going to click with everyone. This basic principle applies to friendships, roommates, families, as well as finding your match. Your personalities can clash, you can have different views on serious topics such as religion, politics, how to handle finances, and even the kinds of lifestyle you choose to live. Throw dating into the mix and it all gets complicated from there because you still have to invest your time, whether it be months or  years to see if they are your actual soul mate. I know someone who has spent about 6 years online dating and has yet to find the one. I know people who have been in a relationship for 15 years and broke up because they drifted apart or their interests no longer aligned. And hey call me a dreamer, but I believe in soulmates, and finding your soul mate can take a long time.

Personally I like the art of flirting. It keeps things fun, mysterious, and spontaneous, and sometimes technology can take that all away. In the mean time to those that are looking, I think that whether you want to try online dating or not, it’s best to take this time alone to develop a relationship with yourself and find out who you are as a person, what you like and don’t like, practice forgiveness because we all have our inner demons, and create self love habits.

It’s easy to just want to skip over everything and get to the part where you’re in a comfortable, loving relationship with someone and you two have a Sunday ritual of wearing matching pajama sets binge watching netflix and throwing away your diet plans by eating your favorite junk food, but life isn’t a fiction novel where time travel exists. Even though this is cliche, I think that life is about the journey. A journey with yourself, your family, your friends, your ideals and dreams, rather than the destination.

Always,

Be Bold, Be Brave, Be Beautiful…

V